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[Empire Creature] Sinless

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Evi

Witch Doctor
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#1
Name: Sinless
Description/Preface: Young innocent female maidens who were killed during a dark ritual, their souls forcefully pulled from their bodies into a half-Incorporeal form after suffering many wounds, but the ritual failed as the spirits escaped uncorrupted and pure still. Horrified by their new forms and the fact they could no longer return to the lives they once had before, their only choice was to offer themselves to The Empire's service and soon quickly found themselves in the service of The Empire.
Image:
Making a base off of this, replace the 'ear wing' things with short silver hair, give her shackles (With dangling chains) on her arms and legs, make her fingers into dullish claws, and make deep red markings on her body (Which can be any type of symbol). Retain female looking body.

Highlight: Defensive and selfless Supporter.
Faction: Empire
Type: Intelligent
Role: Supportive Healer
Acquired By: Empire Portal, Torture Convert
Basic Attack: [Melee] [Blunt] [Low]
Offensive Power: Low
Defensive Power: Low
Resistances: Average vs All, Weak vs Dark, Immune Vs Holy and Poison
Movement: Moderate
Work: The Sinless can help in research and increase the happiness effectiveness of the Tavern by 'working' in it.
Entertainment: ---
Special Needs: N/A
Upgrades: N/A

Passive Traits
  • Float: Just like Flight, able to float above ground traps, lava and water.
  • Healing Links: Those around a Sinless will find a soft golden link connecting them to the Sinless, their wounds slowly healing as they stay near her. The links will disconnect from fully healed allies and connect to those with lower health. Can only connect up to 3.
  • Calming Aura: Comrades and Enemies near the Sinless will have their happiness raise slowly.

Active Abilities
  • Scared Tears: The frightened Sinless cries silently in fear, the silent cry gets deep to the most dark-hearted of enemies as their statistics are decreased.
  • Empower: Focusing on completely supporting her ally, the Sinless gives part of her soul to a targeted ally and increases their statistics by certain percentages. The Sinless' statistics are halved by doing so. Lasts for 15 seconds, afterwards the Sinless' stats return to normal as does the target's.
  • Mind Blur: Focusing on stopping powerful attacks from her foes, the Sinless sends a mental wave to a target to make them forget their their abilities (Except for melee). Lasts for 7 seconds before the target is able to use abilities again.

Flavour
Appearance: See Image's description.
Likes: Holy Magic, Temples
Dislikes: Dark Magic
Behaviour: Despite being a ghost, the Sinless retains their younger maiden personalities, being playful and overly 'cute'. When Torture Corrupted, the Sinless... Still retains her former nature.
 
Last edited:

Hugo

Concept Artist
Brightrock Games
Nov 14, 2011
290
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Spain
#2
Ok Evi. This and the manavede are not of my liking is what I said.
The same things I said about falling outside archetypes about the Conjurer apply to these, maybe it's because of the chosen images. This one however gets closer to the specter archetype. It could use a more recognizable name, as "banshee", "poltergeist" or "lost soul", I don't know really. I insist in the names because it will be the most significant piece of text players will see about creatures, they probably won't get to see all the lore behind, so I prefer names with "implicit lore". Also the image doesn't help too much, the explanation about it sounds better though. The rest of the suggestion is fine for me. As with the conjurer, this is only an opinion. I'm not saying I hold the truth.
That is really it. I like the idea of neutral wandering specters. But I think this one needs some changes (cosmetic but relevant changes).
 

Evi

Witch Doctor
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#3
Ok Evi. This and the manavede are not of my liking is what I said.
The same things I said about falling outside archetypes about the Conjurer apply to these, maybe it's because of the chosen images.
I made the Manavede and Sinless as completely original suggestions from drawings I made sometime ago. The Sinless however was inspired by the picture there as some sort of innocent spirit of a young maiden. Taking that image, I morphed it into it's own story. Speaking of which, I had a big background story for the Sinless, but I chose not to bring it over.

This one however gets closer to the specter archetype. It could use a more recognizable name, as "banshee", "poltergeist" or "lost soul", I don't know really.
I seen a creature called a banshee and it looks like a fairy in one game I had played. Otherwise, I don't intend to follow a archtype for something I just made up. Besides, Banshee wouldn't work for them as they cannot scream, Poltergeist doesn't fit what they are, and they're not exactly lost as they still have some goodly hero traits in them.

I insist in the names because it will be the most significant piece of text players will see about creatures, they probably won't get to see all the lore behind, so I prefer names with "implicit lore".
So screw anything that tries to be original with it's own name? The name Sinless fits in just well, a sinless spirit. Besides, Horned Reaper means a grim reaper with horns, right? =P When we see Orcs, we imagine green brutes, not pink chubby things. That's what I liked about DK, it mixed things up, and made us fear pink orcs.

Also the image doesn't help too much, the explanation about it sounds better though.
As I put near the picture, I suggested a base off of it...

The rest of the suggestion is fine for me. As with the conjurer, this is only an opinion. I'm not saying I hold the truth.
That is really it. I like the idea of neutral wandering specters. But I think this one needs some changes (cosmetic but relevant changes).
Thanks for the Feedback Egg.
 
Likes: Amon

Evi

Witch Doctor
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#4
Slight update.

Some stats were increased slightly: Attack and Luck. Done so the Empowerment would be more useless for the short amount of time it lasts.
Hates and Loves have been changed.

Backstory I did for this suggestion has been added, with some corrections and removing 'Warlock' with Cultist.
 

Inlaa

Priestess
Jan 11, 2012
426
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Texas
#5
The concept is quite... interesting, to say the least. And no, I don't mean interesting in a bad way.

I do agree with Egg that a more recognizable name could help. Most players won't even read the lore if it's included in the game in some sort of bestiary, or even if the Mentor outright gives a brief backstory. Also, my big question is this: "So, when a Sinless dies, how do more Sinless come about?" Unless this is a very rare creature, there should probably be a way for more Sinless to be created lore-wise. (Of course, if it IS a rather rare creature, well - they can be a dying 'species'!)

Also like Egg said, the initial picture you linked made me blink a few times, but the explanation helped a lot. I can get a good image of the creature that way.

I feel like her skills could use a slight - note the word slight - upgrade. I think you hit the nail on the head when it comes to her idle and active behaviors, and I would go so far as to suggest that maybe she could actually choose a 'random' ally when first converted/recruited, but follow the same one frequently out of a sense of loyalty afterwards. (Again, note the maybe. Italics.)

I won't go into names further than I have, but I will say that I've seen Banshees depicted in two ways: As a form of Fey (but not winged, and only once) and as an undead spirit with large doses of angst, crying, and wailing. Oh, and screams. Lots of screams.
 

Evi

Witch Doctor
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Nov 14, 2011
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#6
I do agree with Egg that a more recognizable name could help. Most players won't even read the lore if it's included in the game in some sort of bestiary, or even if the Mentor outright gives a brief backstory. Also, my big question is this: "So, when a Sinless dies, how do more Sinless come about?" Unless this is a very rare creature, there should probably be a way for more Sinless to be created lore-wise. (Of course, if it IS a rather rare creature, well - they can be a dying 'species'!)
My stubbornness refuses to change the Sinless name. It's a spirit that's without sin, Sinless. That's all to it really. :3
As for your question, there was only a handful of them created by accident. So they can be considered to be a rare species of creature, but I can suppose that some crazy cultists are still trying to make the 'ultimate ghost of eviilllll' and keep failing and grumbling how they'll be ghosts by the end of it. *Shrug*

Also like Egg said, the initial picture you linked made me blink a few times, but the explanation helped a lot. I can get a good image of the creature that way.
Alot of people disliked the picture on the KeeperKlan forum, when I made a suggestion with it, I Bolded those words below the picture. If anyone ignored those words, I ignored them. :D

I feel like her skills could use a slight - note the word slight - upgrade.
Her abilities? I suppose the Soul Link could connect to two creatures...

I think you hit the nail on the head when it comes to her idle and active behaviors, and I would go so far as to suggest that maybe she could actually choose a 'random' ally when first converted/recruited, but follow the same one frequently out of a sense of loyalty afterwards. (Again, note the maybe. Italics.)
Interesting idea, I'll take it into consideration.

I won't go into names further than I have, but I will say that I've seen Banshees depicted in two ways: As a form of Fey (but not winged, and only once) and as an undead spirit with large doses of angst, crying, and wailing. Oh, and screams. Lots of screams.
I wanna see a Banshee as a big buff monster one day personally. Attacks with a guitar and sings so badly that it hurts. XD

Anyways, thank you for your thoughts Inlaa!
 

amcoops

Priestess
WFTO Founder
Dec 9, 2011
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#7
Love the back-story, and pretty much the whole concept of it. My only issue is it's appearance. I read the back-story before the appearance, as I was reading I pictured a young, pale, malnourished-looking girl dressed in a modest, white nighty with her mouth sewn shut and some messed up, creepy looking red eyes.

Love the name, nothing would suit them better than the "Sinless".
 

Evi

Witch Doctor
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#8
I read the back-story before the appearance, as I was reading I pictured a young, pale, malnourished-looking girl dressed in a modest, white nighty with her mouth sewn shut and some messed up, creepy looking red eyes.
Hard to be all of the above if you're a spirit. ;)
And the backstory is pretty much based on the appearance of what the spirit looks like if the magic of the Cultists had stained it.
 

Inlaa

Priestess
Jan 11, 2012
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Texas
#9
Actually, just to say, there's nothing that says a ghostly spirit can't appear o be wearing clothes, appear to be malnourished, or appear to be in eternal torment. Ghosts can look pretty scary and, yes, they can appear to have clothes. Of course, one would assume that they would appear however they are garbed when they die, but in the end, the appearance is up to the developers and Evi.

I'm not sure if I like Evi's description or Amcoops' more. Both are pretty good. Both could fit a "Sinless" concept. One just sounds as if it's in more pain than the other.
 

Hugo

Concept Artist
Brightrock Games
Nov 14, 2011
290
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Spain
#10
Evi said:
My stubbornness refuses to change the Sinless name.
Arghh! so stubborn! :p
What about calling it a "martyr"?
Maybe its just the fact that I'm not capable to find a good sounding equivalent of "sinless" in my language... Yes, I tend to think about spanish name translations, you can call that a vice and I won't blame you. :p
 

Evi

Witch Doctor
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#11
What about calling it a "martyr"?
I don't see the Sinless taking the punishment for another person... If they did, they would die real easily.

Maybe its just the fact that I'm not capable to find a good sounding equivalent of "sinless" in my language... Yes, I tend to think about spanish name translations, you can call that a vice and I won't blame you. :p
Every time I put Sinless in Google Translation to Spanish, I get Sin Pecado.o_O
 

Hugo

Concept Artist
Brightrock Games
Nov 14, 2011
290
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Spain
#12
I meant martyr as an innocent soul that has undergone a deep suffering. But actually it does not sound good at all. Forget that.
Evi said:
Every time I put Sinless in Google Translation to Spanish, I get Sin Pecado.o_O
hehe yeah "Sin" Means "Without" and "Pecado" means "Sin". Weird word coincidence.
 

Evi

Witch Doctor
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#13
I meant martyr as an innocent soul that has undergone a deep suffering. But actually it does not sound good at all. Forget that.
It was a decent try, Martyr is something interesting to build on, but it sadly doesn't fit the Sinless.

hehe yeah "Sin" Means "Without" and "Pecado" means "Sin". Weird word coincidence.
Heh. I kept imaging Pecado as some sort of fruit for some reason. >_<

Actually, just to say, there's nothing that says a ghostly spirit can't appear o be wearing clothes, appear to be malnourished, or appear to be in eternal torment. Ghosts can look pretty scary and, yes, they can appear to have clothes. Of course, one would assume that they would appear however they are garbed when they die, but in the end, the appearance is up to the developers and Evi.
Well, there were the ghosts in DK1. Eh, I'll just stop there.
 
Feb 17, 2012
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#14
Wow... I really love the backstory for it and well... pretty much everything =P Though when I was reading it's behaviour and spells I imagined it would look pretty much like a floating sheet with a head and hands sticking up through it o_O but then I read the description and looked at the pic and I think the appearance and name fit this creature perfectly. =3
 

Evi

Witch Doctor
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#15
Sinless finally got a update they needed. Stats worked on. Added in some extra information about the Sinless able to reproduce in two fashions.

Added two more skills, one of which is going off of 'Soul Link'.

Which sounds better: Single Target Soul Link with moderately faster healing or Multiple Target Soul Link with slow healing.

Torture is still being thought on.
 

Evi

Witch Doctor
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#17
Eh, alright. It was an idea to have her able to assist multiple allies at once. If no-one else has anything to add for the thought, I'll start to think up the Sinless' lair and such.

Edit: Aw nuts, the image was removed... Hold up.

Edit#2: Image is now back up.
 

Evi

Witch Doctor
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#18
Alright, with the update that came up, I decided to work up around with the new 'format'.

Thus, it can be considered updated.
 

Evi

Witch Doctor
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#19
Pretty much nothing but a bump, but...

I feel this would fit in more as a Empire Unit instead of just a Neutral now.
Can someone change the title to [Empire] Sinless?
 
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