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Post Your Facepalm-Worthy Jokes Here!

squee

Priestess
Founder
Feb 20, 2013
144
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#41
so a Mexican, an Arab and a Texan are sitting at the bar drinking and the Mexican throws his empty shot glass in the air and shoots it, the other two say "why'd you do that?" and he replies " the labor in my country is so cheap we never have to drink from the same glass twice," the Arab throws his empty shot glass in the air and the other two say "why'd you do that?" the Arab says, "there is so much glass in my country we never have to drink from the same one twice," the Texan throws his glass in the air and shoots the Mexican and the Arab, the bartender aghast asked "why'd you do that?" the Texan replies there are so many immigrants in my country we never have to drink from the same ones twice."
 

squee

Priestess
Founder
Feb 20, 2013
144
24
200
33
#42
dad jokes huh?
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points to the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your Mom's the best lay in town!" Everyone expects a fight but the guy ignores him and the drunk wanders up to the end of the bar.
Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points to the same guy, and says, "I just screwed your mom and it was really sw-e-et!" Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk wanders off.
Finally the guy interrupts, "Go home, Dad---you're drunk again!
 
Dec 19, 2011
405
45
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Auckland/New Zealand
#43
dad jokes huh?
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points to the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your Mom's the best lay in town!" Everyone expects a fight but the guy ignores him and the drunk wanders up to the end of the bar.
Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points to the same guy, and says, "I just screwed your mom and it was really sw-e-et!" Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk wanders off.
Finally the guy interrupts, "Go home, Dad---you're drunk again!
Lol.. oh dear, nice :p
 

HAL9000

Bloodling
Backer
Dec 23, 2012
3
31
75
35
Preston, Lancs
#49
I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

No one knew she had a dental implant until it came out in a conversation.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.


Q: What's the difference between Yoghurt and America?
A: After 200 years even Yoghurt would grow a culture

Q: Did you hear about the Dysllexic Devil-Worshipper?
A: He sold his soul to Santa

Q: What's white and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A: A Fridge

Q: What's white and blue and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A: A Fridge in a demin jacket

 
Likes: Amon

Keldrin

Cultist
Founder
Feb 11, 2013
73
50
190
#51
A brain and jumper cable go into a bar. The jumper cable has a seat, while the brain goes to order drinks.
The bartender, however, refuses to serve him.
The brain asks "well why not?"
The bartender looks at the brain a moment, then replies "well, you're clearly out of your head.
And your friend looks like he's going to start something."
 

Keldrin

Cultist
Founder
Feb 11, 2013
73
50
190
#52
rly? o_O XD

EDIT:worst, pun, evar XD
As you know, Ghandi walked bare foot his entire life.
A side effect was, he had large calluses on his feet.
He also followed a very strict diet.
Which caused him to have chronically bad breath.
What's not so well known is that he bruised very easily.

Do you know what all this means?


He was a SuperCallusedFragileMysticHexedWithHalatosis
 

Keldrin

Cultist
Founder
Feb 11, 2013
73
50
190
#53
A man goes into the bar and a ostrich follows him. He orders a drink for himself and one for the bird, then reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change. They drink their drinks and leaves.
Each day, the man returns and does the exact same thing for a month.
Finally the bartenders curiosity gets the best of him and he asks the man, "you come in each day and order a drink and pull the exact change out of your pocket. What's the deal with that?"
The man replies, "A few years ago, I found a lamp on the beach, and rubbed it and a genie popped out and offered me 3 wishes. Well my first wish was no matter what I wanted to buy, I could reach in to my pocket and have the amount I need. So if I buy a car or a drink or what ever, I just reach into my pocket and pull out the money I need."
"My second wish was for a beautiful house. So, you know that big mansion on the hill down the road? Well that belongs to me."
The bartender nods and says "I see. But, what's the deal with the ostrich."
The man looks a little embarrassed and replies "Well... my third wish was for a chick with long legs."
 

Blizzard

Necromancer
Backer
Dec 3, 2011
530
198
410
34
Behind you
#54
A boy runs into class and as he does so the teacher grabs him by the neck and says
"Explain yourself why are you so late !? "
and the boy replies in tears "But Sir my mum committed suicide "
The teacher replies in a angry voice " You are still getting detention for HANGING around "
 

Keldrin

Cultist
Founder
Feb 11, 2013
73
50
190
#55
A drunk guy gets on a bus. He pays his fare and walks down the bus looking for a seat, when he come across this lady holding her baby and he stops and stares.
The drunk then slurs "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
The woman starts crying, and there's a out cry from other passengers to throw the drunk off the bus.
So, the bus driver comes back, and makes the drunk leave.
He tells the woman, "the drunks gone, just sit there and I'll get you something to drink."
The bus driver leaves the bus a few minutes, then returns and hands the woman a glass of water.
He says "It's ok, he's gone. Just take a drink of water. And here, I even got you a banana for your pet monkey."
 
Likes: Blizzard

Badwolf699

Juggernaut
Founder
Dec 18, 2011
2,370
633
520
28
#56
A man tries to Prank Call the Chinese President, he accidently goes through to North Korea and causes WW3.
He regretting Winging the Wong Number
 
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